Stu vs recovery

It been a little bit doomy and gloomy today. I went for a nice long walk in the sun and treated myself to lunch. The problem is the long walk had me questioning lots of things.

Oh well at least I have the boys to occupy me. Funny thing is that the only time this weekend I've been at peace is when building Lego with Nathan.

Just a short one today. Still need to reconnect with my hobbies, just not feeling it

Stu vs mental health 2

I've always used vs in my blog titles and that is because everything I've written about has been a battle. Some trivial - like reading a certain number of books in a year and some more serious - like raising children in the right way. This, however is the first time I've put a 2 in the post. It is still a battle but what scares me is the thought of not stopping at 2. What if I get to 22 or 102.

Everyone around me is telling me to take it easy and look after yourself. These two (there's that number again) things seem very difficult when you spend your whole life putting yourself at the back of the queue, which is how this whole debacle started and having such a chaotic life (doctors words) that you mistake taking a break as boredom or restlessness. I just don't relax. My life right now runs on adrenaline. The problem is I'm spent.

A third question is how does one recover from depression or anxiety when most of the time you feel great because you have removed yourself from the pressure situations . How do you prepare yourself for returning to that, to go over the top, to jump from the frying pan into the fire?

These are the questions infesting my mind while many others are just thinking about what to have for tea or how they are going to occupy the kids at the weekend.

As with every battle I have to believe I can win but not just for me but the people around me (theres that need to put others first again).

Love you all

Stu vs mental health

This being mental health awareness week I thought it poignant that I share my own struggles. You never think it will happen to you, affect you that it is someone else's problem.

Last year I came to realise that something was wrong but I was unwilling to share my burden. Maybe if no one knew I could pretend that it didn't exist. Surely that would make it easier. It didn't. Pure and simple. I opened up. People didn't judge me but when I was offered more help I was in a better place and refused it.

I didnt need it. I was fixed... or so I thought. Over the last 12 months things have gone downhill. It was affecting every aspect of my life now and affecting those around me. I was unsure of the triggers but felt broken. A shell of my former self and embarrassed to admit I needed serious help. However I Have now found help in the unlikeliest of places.

Told I need to share how I'm feeling, I decided to start blogging about my recovery and share how I'm feeling each day.

Today is my first day off work, I left last night asking my replacement to fix the wrongs I'd done this year and when I woke up I felt raw, a failure that I'd let it get this far. I know I have to change my mentality and I hope doing this will help. I hope my journey will help others seek help. I know I'm not alone even if at times it feels that way.

Until my next random collection of thoughts I'll sign off

Stu vs A New Start

I haven't touched this blog in 18 months+ but I am rebooting (to coin the Hollywood phrase) as I am hoping it will get me back into writing. I was alao inspired by John Greens book A Fault in Our Stars and a quote write at the end which goes: My thoughts are stars I can't fathom into constellations. 

This really resonated with me as I feel it sums up my writing. I am going to adopt this phrase to kick start my writing.

On a side note John Green's book is not something I would usually read. A shout has to go out to Radio 5's film show and thwir review of the film. You will get no spoilers here but I will say it is only the third book to make me cry (after Boy in the Striped Pujamas and the last chapter set on the Wall of Dance With Dragons -again no spoilers).

Anyway, enough of my ramblings about A Fault in Our Stars, although highly recommended. My blog is back. Stay tuned for more literary musings and maybe a sneak peek at my own work.

P.S. Milo and the Restart Button... no so highly recommended!

Stu vs. Changes

Forgive me blog its been two months since my last confession... I mean blog post. In my defense 2012 has been a crazy year so far. I landed myself a short term teaching post in a year 4class and to say its been an eye opening experience is an understatement. In just 6 weeks I 've learnt more than in the past 18 months and I have a fantastic class to boot who'll jump through hoops for me. This, however, will end in just over a week which leads me onto the next reason for a crazy start to 2012...

In Feb the truely unthinkable happened, my wife was made redundant from Orange, something people were telling her couldn't possibly happen. Well it did and as a result we are upping sticks and moving out of Bristol. Just today we found a house in the lovely town of Crewkerne in south Somerset. We move in 10 days!

To ease a little of the pressure, well not really, Ruth starts a new job on March 12th. She also using her spare time to promote her business www.littlesprinkles.co.uk where she provides cakes, biscuits and sweets for ALL occasions. She's already booked in at some wedding fairs (you can thank me later honey for my prmotional efforts)

So as you can imagine writing has truely been put on the back of he back burner and the resolutions I made with such good intentions are seemingly a long way off. I refuse to give up though. The move has reinvigorated me across all areas. I'll be joining the local library and a local film club - my other passion.

On the reading front I am literally half way through The Hunger Games Trilogy and it is EXCELLENT, just can't put them down. I've actually read quite alot more so far this yeara nd have no intention of slowing down. 5 books down 25 to go!

Oh and I almost forgot the new series of A Game of Thrones starts in just over a month. I'm salivating with excitement!! Cold winds are rising!

Stu vs 2012 (Resolutions for Next Year)

2011 has gone by in a blur and was filled with ups and downs. More on that another time. However by far the best part of 2011 was watching my son go from this:



To this:


Anyway onto 2012. Usually new year resolutions are either made to be broken or are so ludicrous that we have no hope of actually achieving success. I've thought long and hard over the last few weeks about what I actually want to achieve next year and believe my resolutions are actuslly achievable. Some of this determinations comes from reading about my wife's aims for 2012. Please feel free to read about her passion for all things sweet related at http://little-sprinkles.blogspot.com/

Next year I intend to:

1. Read more (My bookshelves are filled with books left untouched). Please look to the left for more on what I intend to read in my 2012 Reading list.

2. Push on with my Writer's Bureau Children's course. I started last May and am currently bogged down with assignment 2. By this time next year I want to be booged down with assignment 6.

3. My lifelong passion is to become a published author. Next year I intend to finish my first children's Book and publish it via the Kindle. So watch out for Captain Cosmo: Space Adventurer on a Kindle near you.

4. Finally get a fulltime teaching position and do away with all this unpredictable supply malarky.

5. Spend more quality time with the family (anyone who knows me knows how much I depend to technology and my gadgets. In 2012 I promise to use these less. Ironically I'm typying this out on my IPad - lol.

6. Lose a little bit of weight. Tone up a little.

Well that's it. Not too far fetched I hope. Anyone else care to share thier own?

Stu vs. Christmas

Well folks as 2011 comes to an end I have actually found time to reflect on a few things. The first of which is Christmas. Now this is the first proper 'Copping Christmas' I've been involved in for 8 years. The last few times I've spent Christmas with my side of the family we've been in Florida. Although I had not forgotten how hectic it can get and how we are always swimming in presents, this was my wife's first taste of it all. It didn't disappoint.

This was our son's first Christmas and days before my brother and wife brought us the gift of a niece, Lyla. We were very excited to get to see her too. My wife is very organised so there was no last minute present dashes for people. Although on Christmas Eve-eve-eve (yes that is its official title) I was putting the last finishing touches to a present and in doing so destroyed my laminator beyond repair. This little mishap meant Ruth had to shoot into work on her day off to complete my awesome present for Dad.

Our journey to the parentals was slow but uneventful and we managed to fit presents et al in the car along with a moses basket for our little niece. My brother's car was a little more chocka (I will try and find a hilarious photo of this which had my sister-in-law wedged in the back).

So Christmas Eve arrived and the presents mounted. I thought we were quite reserved. My other family members had other ideas. For example my aunt dropped off 11 (yes 11) bags of presents just from her. Hence the tight fit in my brothers car. Strangly enough no-one seemed to get too hammered that evening. I think we were just too knackered.

I was up early on Christmas Day in anticipation for my son's early rise... It never came. He slept right through leaving a tired Daddy come breakfast time. TYPICAL. Now for as long as can remember we've haven't done traditional stockings at Christmas. Instead everyone get's everyone else a present or two that cost £1. This usually means an obscene amount of crappy presents that get lost on the way home. I was however suprised with my hall this year. Out of the 10 I received I think I've kept over half. My favourite being a map of Discworld. Bargain.

This went on until midday. We started at 10. When most people have ripped of paper and packaging and getting to play with shiny new toys our fun is just beginning. Now this went on until 4ish when we stopped for 'lunch' and then carried on once more until 10pm. I got a huge number of children's books which I intend to plough through this year, along with some PS3 games and a few Blu-rays which should also keep me entertained until my birthday in May.

I was more shocked with Nathan, who took in his first Christmas with awe. He wasn't too interested in presents, that I'm sure will happen next year, but he behaved excellently and monopolised his Grandad throughout the day. He got some excellent bath toys that we've already tried out.

Boxing Day was spent setting up my Mum's new IMac. I want one now, they're awesome. There were also more presents to open and lots of food to eat and I was all to happy to oblige. We then headed home on the 27th with more stuff than we came with.

That was out Christmas in a nutshell. It was great to spend it with family and see old friends (Bex your son is great). I've already read about other people's Christmas' and it looks like everyone has thoroughly enjoyed themselves this year.

Here's to a cracking 2012!! Happy New Year readers